


Forward, and Through

by autobotscoutriella



Category: Star Wars Legends: New Jedi Order Series - Various Authors
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, F/M, Grief, hints of Jacen/Tenel Ka but not enough to put it in the tag imo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:27:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21599284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autobotscoutriella/pseuds/autobotscoutriella
Summary: The new Queen of Hapes hides her grief, for the sake of her friends and her subjects, but she still feels it.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4
Collections: FandomWeekly (2019-2020) Writing Challenge on Dreamwidth





	Forward, and Through

**Author's Note:**

> I've been on an NJO kick over the last couple weeks, and just finished up Star By Star and Dark Journey. We don't get Tenel Ka's POV much, but good _god_ does she go through some shit in those two books. (I mean, everybody does, but hoo buddy, she's got a lot to deal with.)
> 
> Originally written for the [FandomWeekly](https://fandomweekly.dreamwidth.org/275214.html) prompt "Storms".

Thunder rolled and crashed in the distance, a sure sign that a storm was set to break over the Hapan capital. Queen Mother Tenel Ka Chume Ta' Djo gazed out over the gardens without truly seeing them, wondering if the storm would cause trouble for the refugees still arriving on the planet. Someone would need to ensure that they had adequate shelter, especially those who had come from drier worlds and would not be accustomed to the local climate. A few hangars had been repurposed as makeshift housing, but perhaps more would need to be cleared and restructured. She could look into moving the existing temporary accommodations to make room for more--

Tenel Ka stopped herself, recognizing the pattern of thoughts she had fallen into more and more in recent weeks. The refugee shelters were the best she could provide; she had personally gone to each location to ensure it only the day before. Trying to rearrange them for less than concrete reasons would only cause more stress and frustration to beings who had experienced quite enough of both over the last few months and years.

No, this was only an attempt to distract herself from the reality in front of her, and she knew better than to allow herself to go down that road. Running from it would only drag her down--her, and her father, and all those who now depended on her to lead and guide them through the war. She did not have the luxury of distracting herself from her losses; the only way to get through them was to face them head-on.

Perhaps the literal storm was easier to face than the emotional one that surged in waves beneath her calm facade, but that did not exempt her from facing it. That was a fact.

_The only way forward is through._ Her mother had told her that once, long ago, one of the few times they had spoken openly about Teneniel Djo's struggle to rule a people who did not want a Dathomiri witch as their queen. Had her mother known, even then, that one day her daughter would need to rule despite Tenel Ka's stated distaste for the idea? Surely she had at least thought about it.

_Mother_. Tenel Ka let that grief wash over her without fighting it. She had always known that this day would come, but she had hoped that her mother would die peacefully of old age, or at least in a manner of her own choosing, rather than being poisoned by cowards. It was a particularly harsh loss, at a time rife with harsh losses.

Heavy raindrops began falling, turning leaves sparkling-bright and setting the pools in the center rippling with each droplet. Tenel Ka brushed a stray braid out of her face, but otherwise made no effort to shield herself from the rain. Even bad weather was its own sort of comfort; she might not have loved the rain, but it was familiar, reassuring in the sense that it confirmed that Hapes was still rotating. Storms came and went just as they always had. The planet would continue to thrive, for now, despite all the people who had died.

_Because_ of the people who had died, because their deaths had been for the purpose of keeping this planet, and thousands of others, out of Yuuzhan Vong control. She could not lose sight of that. They had all given their lives to protect others, just as her mother had, and that was worthy of remembrance and honor.

Tenel Ka swallowed, and realized that her face was wet with more than raindrops, though they provided an excellent excuse.

She had grown up with many of the fallen Jedi, trained with them, fought alongside them. She knew them as well as she knew herself. Not every one of them had been a friend, precisely, but they had all been allies and brave warriors.

_Jacen_.

Had Jacen Solo been more than a friend? She was not entirely sure, and she had always thought that they would have time to figure it out. That there would be a time where nothing else demanded their attention, and she--they--could resolve what they felt and what they should do about it.

Now there would be no other time. She had felt his death. They had all felt his death; there was no denying it, no other plausible explanation that she could cling to in order to hide from the truth. Perhaps that was for the best, as painful as it was. She would never have to wonder.

Lightning flashed, and another roll of thunder heralded the storm's full arrival. Rain began pouring down in earnest, soaking Tenel Ka's hair and the impractical gown that was her regular attire now rather than armor and Jedi robes.

"Your Highness!" One of her courtiers called to her from the doorway, clear alarm in his voice. "Your Highness, you should come inside--"

"I am content where I am, thank you." Even with the weight of her thoughts, Tenel Ka was proud that her voice remained cool and steady. "I will inform you if I require assistance."

She could sense his hesitation--it seemed to be genuine desire to ensure the Queen Mother's comfort--but he responded only "Of course, your Highness."

The dark clouds extended as far as the horizon, without a hint of the storm breaking in sight. For a brief moment, Tenel Ka wondered if the same was true for the grief raging inside her, hidden behind calm words and meditation techniques. When would the storm of war and grief and loss break?

It would break when _they_ broke it, she decided, and put the brief glimpse of hopelessness out of her mind. Forward, and through. It was the only path open to her, so it was the one she would take.

She was the Queen Mother of the Hapan Consortium. She was a Jedi Knight. She was a warrior of Dathomir. She would not give in to the urge to distract herself, to deny what had happened, to push it all away rather than process it. She would face the storm, and she would walk through it, as she had before and as she would again.

Forward, and through.


End file.
